Teenage years………..The lost era

High school was a blast! Or was it?! Life as a teen is so confusing. You figure your parents couldn’t possibly understand, while your fellow wanderers get you totally. *BUZZZ* Not for me.

I recall feeling awkward either way. I was “different” from my classmates, and at home I didn’t fit in. So I had to focus on my future. I had to see the humor in life, and I couldn’t let life get me down. How? To tell the truth, I didn’t know. I was a caregiver, counselor, and I needed that for myself.

My mother had her own issues. She took care of me, loved me deeply. But, she had a lifetime of pain, no one rescued her. So she couldn’t play that nurturing parent role. We grew up together. Mom believed in the “Do as I say, not as I do” motto. She was a friend to a point. Beyond that point, I had no avenues. I just knew what not to do.

Oh I was Miss Popularity in High School. I had friends, was a ‘class clown’, life of the party. I had a boyfriend too. When I write my book, I’ll get into detail about him. But, deep down inside, I felt alone. I couldn’t tell my friends what my home life was like. How do you explain your mother is an addict, and going home was mostly apprehending? I didn’t fear for my safety, I was afraid of what the atmosphere of home entailed.

I buried myself in schoolwork. I wasn’t an “A” student, but I was above average. I spent hours in my room reading and studying. I was a “good girl”, mostly. I had times of rebellious behavior. I even tried suicide as a teen. Now I know that attempt was a cry out for help.

God kept me from self destruction. He took the appetite of doing the wrong thing from my soul. I didn’t realize it at the time. There is no other explanation. God has been there, and He still remains.