As you may have noticed, I have not discussed my father. Dad was always around, but we weren’t close. I knew from stories, Dad was a Don Juan with the ladies, and my mother followed suit. She was a girl smitten by a man. Today we call this molestation of a child. I have issues with how I was conceived, but I’m thankful to be here, and I’m grateful for my parents.
With that being said, Dad and I had a non traditional relationship. When I was a little girl, he came around sometimes, his girlfriends had more to do with that. I think I was a way for them to stay with Dad. Show interest in his daughter, get in good with him. Other times Dad came to see me, and mom, if you know what I mean.
At 12, my relationship with my father came to a halt. Welfare was suing my Dad for back child support, and listening to his attorney, he denied paternity. This broke my heart. On the day my mom, dad, and I had to give blood for a paternity test I told him he wasn’t my father and I didn’t want to see him again. This would last for six years.
My mother encouraged me to see my dad my last year of high school. Our relationship was awkward at best. Here I was a young woman, and to him I was that 12 yr old girl. We got reacquainted throughout my college years and young adulthood. I had to learn to lean on him emotionally and stop using him for material gain. I was in his wedding. Ironically 11 years later, he gave me away at mine.
Dad was a rock for me when my mom went into hospice, dying of colon cancer. He held me as I burst into tears looking at her lifeless body. And he was with me throughout her memorial service, being my father. Months later he was there when my daughter was born, being a proud granddad. We aren’t around one another much because of me moving to another town, but every visit or call feels like we just pick up where we left off. I love my Dad, just because he is.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Teenage years………..The lost era
High school was a blast! Or was it?! Life as a teen is so confusing. You figure your parents couldn’t possibly understand, while your fellow wanderers get you totally. *BUZZZ* Not for me.
I recall feeling awkward either way. I was “different” from my classmates, and at home I didn’t fit in. So I had to focus on my future. I had to see the humor in life, and I couldn’t let life get me down. How? To tell the truth, I didn’t know. I was a caregiver, counselor, and I needed that for myself.
My mother had her own issues. She took care of me, loved me deeply. But, she had a lifetime of pain, no one rescued her. So she couldn’t play that nurturing parent role. We grew up together. Mom believed in the “Do as I say, not as I do” motto. She was a friend to a point. Beyond that point, I had no avenues. I just knew what not to do.
Oh I was Miss Popularity in High School. I had friends, was a ‘class clown’, life of the party. I had a boyfriend too. When I write my book, I’ll get into detail about him. But, deep down inside, I felt alone. I couldn’t tell my friends what my home life was like. How do you explain your mother is an addict, and going home was mostly apprehending? I didn’t fear for my safety, I was afraid of what the atmosphere of home entailed.
I buried myself in schoolwork. I wasn’t an “A” student, but I was above average. I spent hours in my room reading and studying. I was a “good girl”, mostly. I had times of rebellious behavior. I even tried suicide as a teen. Now I know that attempt was a cry out for help.
God kept me from self destruction. He took the appetite of doing the wrong thing from my soul. I didn’t realize it at the time. There is no other explanation. God has been there, and He still remains.
I recall feeling awkward either way. I was “different” from my classmates, and at home I didn’t fit in. So I had to focus on my future. I had to see the humor in life, and I couldn’t let life get me down. How? To tell the truth, I didn’t know. I was a caregiver, counselor, and I needed that for myself.
My mother had her own issues. She took care of me, loved me deeply. But, she had a lifetime of pain, no one rescued her. So she couldn’t play that nurturing parent role. We grew up together. Mom believed in the “Do as I say, not as I do” motto. She was a friend to a point. Beyond that point, I had no avenues. I just knew what not to do.
Oh I was Miss Popularity in High School. I had friends, was a ‘class clown’, life of the party. I had a boyfriend too. When I write my book, I’ll get into detail about him. But, deep down inside, I felt alone. I couldn’t tell my friends what my home life was like. How do you explain your mother is an addict, and going home was mostly apprehending? I didn’t fear for my safety, I was afraid of what the atmosphere of home entailed.
I buried myself in schoolwork. I wasn’t an “A” student, but I was above average. I spent hours in my room reading and studying. I was a “good girl”, mostly. I had times of rebellious behavior. I even tried suicide as a teen. Now I know that attempt was a cry out for help.
God kept me from self destruction. He took the appetite of doing the wrong thing from my soul. I didn’t realize it at the time. There is no other explanation. God has been there, and He still remains.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Growing up in a “spiritless” Environment.
Ok my life wasn’t perfect. Surprise!!! My mother was a child thrown into the “adult” world, without training. She couldn’t cope as well with so little support. By age 3, I was told by her, she’d left me with my grandparents to get away from her life. She returned several months later. That’s around the time she was introduced to drugs. I’m telling you this to let you know where I’ve come from, not to degrade who my mother was.
My “family”, was a broad variety of obscure characters. I had my blood relatives. But, my family was mom’s clique. From pimps, drug dealers to addicts and prostitutes. I cannot truly tell you I had a childlike innocence. I knew and observed too much. I saw the good of being carefree, daring, reckless, etc., and also the bad.
Watching my mother hustle to feed me and her addictions was an eye-opener growing up. Seeing her using her intellect to con people, and having quick wit to not be conned, made me realize I didn’t want to be this way. The day in, and day out grind to feed her habits and child illegally, was sad and monotonous.
I could have easily fallen into this same life and been good at it. I often wonder if I wasn’t so observant, would this be my way of life?! Even then God was guiding my steps. I went through a lot, more than I can share in this blog. Yet, I came through, still standing.
My “family” loved and protected me physically. Although, they couldn’t protect my childhood. The negativity of the “streets”, taught me well. Hustlin’ is a loser’s game. You think you got the upper hand, only to return to the same starting point again and again.
My “family”, was a broad variety of obscure characters. I had my blood relatives. But, my family was mom’s clique. From pimps, drug dealers to addicts and prostitutes. I cannot truly tell you I had a childlike innocence. I knew and observed too much. I saw the good of being carefree, daring, reckless, etc., and also the bad.
Watching my mother hustle to feed me and her addictions was an eye-opener growing up. Seeing her using her intellect to con people, and having quick wit to not be conned, made me realize I didn’t want to be this way. The day in, and day out grind to feed her habits and child illegally, was sad and monotonous.
I could have easily fallen into this same life and been good at it. I often wonder if I wasn’t so observant, would this be my way of life?! Even then God was guiding my steps. I went through a lot, more than I can share in this blog. Yet, I came through, still standing.
My “family” loved and protected me physically. Although, they couldn’t protect my childhood. The negativity of the “streets”, taught me well. Hustlin’ is a loser’s game. You think you got the upper hand, only to return to the same starting point again and again.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
My Testimony
Born on January 12, 1970 to a young girl of only 14 years, God had a plan for my life. That plan has taken many twists and turns, had many ups and downs. I guess you could say I am a miracle. That said, let me share with you my testimony.
On that day in January 1970, instead of performing a c-section on my mother, the doctor allowed her to deliver me naturally. Because she was only 14, she was not fully developed and was too small to deliver a child naturally. I got stuck in the birth canal and the doctor had to use forceps to pull me out. As he was pulling, the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck and strangled me. The oxygen supply was cut off from my brain, and when I emerged from the birth canal I had suffered brain damage causing a mild form of Cerebral Palsy. My mother was told to give me up or put me in a "home". She said, "No, I will raise her myself."
As I was growing up, education was a struggle. Schools had no idea what to do with me. My mother taught me to read by age 3, and I was a very independent child. The "special" (MRDD) school said I was too advanced to go there. Thank God. The regular school system was more concerned with my physical capabilities, so while other kids had recess, I sat in the library. Again, thank God. In high school, in the Orthopedically Handicapped class, I (and my mother) had to demand I be mainstreamed into college prep courses. I was told I was not college material. I was told to attend vocational school because the so-called "experts" did not think I had a chance at success in college.
I graduated from Wright State University in June 1993 with a B.A. in Sociology. In 2000 I met up with a few of these "experts" to present a proposal for a housing project for individuals with disabilities. I was instrumental in obtaining the funding for this project, and it was completed in 2007 and was dedicated in September 2008. God is good!!
During my teenage years I was told by these same "experts" that I would never drive a car. I even had my permit taken from me when I was 16. My mother had to teach me how to drive, and at the age of 25, after three attempts, I got my license. We mailed those "experts copies of my license witha note of "thanks".
I am now a born-again child of God...a believer in our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. However, I was not always saved. From the age of 12 to 29, I was a devout Muslim. I lost my peace with life at age 29. During the summer of 1999, over a period of 90 days, I attempted suicide 4 separate times. The only one who knew of these attempts, other than me, was God. I was planning a 5th a final try, when my brother asked me to go to church with him. I decided to go figuring that it would be the last time I would see him. God knew he could reach me through my family. I went to a service, and when I heard God's Word, something woke up inside me. I went back the next week, got saved and never looked back.
The journey doesn't stop there. I continued to grow spiritually, and in June 2004 married a good Christian man. God gave me my Boaz!
Sadly, I lost my mother to colon cancer in April of 2007. She went on to be with the Lord. But in return, God gave me one more miracle that the "experts" said would never happen. At the age of 37, I was able to carry a child 4 days past term. My husband Rob and I became parents for the first time giving birth to our daughter Kyria Ariel.
I am now starting a new business as a resume writer and advocate for disabled individuals in the workforce. I know God is not done yet, and even greater things are in store.
I hope this testimony inspires others. When the world tells you no, God is saying YES!
Be Blessed!
Sonia Emigh
PS -- My business site is up! Come check out www.saeconsulting.biz !!
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On that day in January 1970, instead of performing a c-section on my mother, the doctor allowed her to deliver me naturally. Because she was only 14, she was not fully developed and was too small to deliver a child naturally. I got stuck in the birth canal and the doctor had to use forceps to pull me out. As he was pulling, the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck and strangled me. The oxygen supply was cut off from my brain, and when I emerged from the birth canal I had suffered brain damage causing a mild form of Cerebral Palsy. My mother was told to give me up or put me in a "home". She said, "No, I will raise her myself."
As I was growing up, education was a struggle. Schools had no idea what to do with me. My mother taught me to read by age 3, and I was a very independent child. The "special" (MRDD) school said I was too advanced to go there. Thank God. The regular school system was more concerned with my physical capabilities, so while other kids had recess, I sat in the library. Again, thank God. In high school, in the Orthopedically Handicapped class, I (and my mother) had to demand I be mainstreamed into college prep courses. I was told I was not college material. I was told to attend vocational school because the so-called "experts" did not think I had a chance at success in college.
I graduated from Wright State University in June 1993 with a B.A. in Sociology. In 2000 I met up with a few of these "experts" to present a proposal for a housing project for individuals with disabilities. I was instrumental in obtaining the funding for this project, and it was completed in 2007 and was dedicated in September 2008. God is good!!
During my teenage years I was told by these same "experts" that I would never drive a car. I even had my permit taken from me when I was 16. My mother had to teach me how to drive, and at the age of 25, after three attempts, I got my license. We mailed those "experts copies of my license witha note of "thanks".
I am now a born-again child of God...a believer in our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. However, I was not always saved. From the age of 12 to 29, I was a devout Muslim. I lost my peace with life at age 29. During the summer of 1999, over a period of 90 days, I attempted suicide 4 separate times. The only one who knew of these attempts, other than me, was God. I was planning a 5th a final try, when my brother asked me to go to church with him. I decided to go figuring that it would be the last time I would see him. God knew he could reach me through my family. I went to a service, and when I heard God's Word, something woke up inside me. I went back the next week, got saved and never looked back.
The journey doesn't stop there. I continued to grow spiritually, and in June 2004 married a good Christian man. God gave me my Boaz!
Sadly, I lost my mother to colon cancer in April of 2007. She went on to be with the Lord. But in return, God gave me one more miracle that the "experts" said would never happen. At the age of 37, I was able to carry a child 4 days past term. My husband Rob and I became parents for the first time giving birth to our daughter Kyria Ariel.
I am now starting a new business as a resume writer and advocate for disabled individuals in the workforce. I know God is not done yet, and even greater things are in store.
I hope this testimony inspires others. When the world tells you no, God is saying YES!
Be Blessed!
Sonia Emigh
PS -- My business site is up! Come check out www.saeconsulting.biz !!
Free Counter
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